Both, and All Of The Above
March 28, 2010 § 2 Comments
I’ve just come across the sweetest twitter page: Longest Married. (Yes, I’m caught red handed reading the Yahoo headlines. Beats local TV news, don’t you think?)
Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher have been together for 85 years. He is 104; she is 101. They enjoy sitting on their front porch counting cars. Click here to see what a beautiful couple they are. Last Valentine’s day they tweeted (twote?) a little Q & A session. These are two of my favorite answers:
Q. You got married very young – how did u both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple?
A. “Everyone who plants a seed & harvests the crop celebrates together” We are individuals, but accomplish more together.
Q. At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?
A. Remember marriage is not a contest – never keep a score. God has put the two of you together on the same team to win.
Perhaps it’s no coincidence that today I learned that someone I care about very much is going through a divorce. What a painful thing to have a partner pull away and leave. I find myself googling words like: healing and recovery. What am I looking for? Some way to make sense of it, some way to offer comfort. I keep thinking of fractured limbs–about how being in the state of brokenness is the first step to mending. Don’t bones need to be reset – rebroken (?) – in order to heal correctly? So a part of the treatment is a destructive act? It feels like a lame analogy.
One might call Herbert and Zelmyra accomplished or lucky, or both. They coexist with a whole lot of broken hearted people. Meanwhile, I have a lot of friends who find deep happiness in the absence of romantic relationships the same way I learned to thrive alone before I met Andy.
Perhaps I’m continuing to write about the same topic, yet again: how do we hold all of this in our minds simultaneously – the spectrum of pain and joy, suffering and gladness?