Mary and Bob’s Journal

After my haircut yesterday, after my visit to Mecca for liberation, before my stop at the toy store and Urban Outfitters, I went to my new favorite Mexican restaurant. It had always been number 2 until November 4th, when it got an unexpected promotion.

I sat at the bar thinking, This salsa cannot beat TJ’s but it’ll do in the absence of TJ’s, when I overheard a man sitting a few seats over.

He yells, apparently to a voice mail recorder: Hey. I heard you all were under whelmed with the Christmas gifts. I told you I wasn’t done yet. So, don’t trip Chocolate Chip–

Timeout: That was a first for me. Don’t trip Chocolate Chip? Uh. Yeah. Verbatim. But there’s more.

LCPM (Loud Cell Phone Man): — I have a friend at the Adidas store who is hooking you up with some gifts . . .

It went on from there. I was too busy jotting down those first few lines to hear how he ended the message.

Incidentally, Andy & I are currently watching 30 Rock on DVD. Specifically, Season 1: Disc 2 - “The Baby Show”. OMG. “Right back at you, Colleen!” Someone, please give these writers trophies and prizes! I still laugh when I think about Episode 6 when Liz said, “Very funny, you bought a pager from Dennis. Will you take it off now, please?” and Jack replied, “I’m sorry, I can’t, I’m expecting a call from 1983.” Sheer Genius! Tina Fey, you are my hero.

Okay, so back to yesterday. Pet Peeve #27b was being inflicted on me - dampening my Post-Steve-Jobs-Escape-High. See, cell phones have given this whole school of people, who never before would have ever considered the act of dining out alone, the illusion that they eat out alone. When in fact, they do not. They cling to the send button as if it’s a date who has shown up. Before I knew it, Loud Cell Phone Man was at it again.

LCPM: Hi. I called Mom and Dad and told them more gifts are on the way.
Pause.
LCPM: Yes, Veronica, too. Look this Christmas triangle of madness has got to stop. They complain to you - you tell me - I complain about them to you - you probably tell them. We’re all gossips and we’ve got to stop–
Pause.
LCPM: Yes. I bought the gifts.
Pause.
LCPM:Yes! I got them some very nice Adidas sweat pants. Except Veronica. She wanted Puma. So I got her Puma. There was a sale.
Pause.
LCPM: Ah-Dee-Dus. (Louder) Ah-Deee-Dus. (Yelling) Ahhhh. Deee. Dus.
Pause.
LCPM: It’s a brand–
Pause.
LCPM: It’s a brand of very nice sporting shoes and athletic wear. So you can tell them it’s taken care of.
Pause.
LCPM: Okay, bye, Grandma.

What a man.